HADRIEL JOURNAL

[coheres]

[ The book is old but blank and Sharon takes to it with pen in hand. She'd been to a therapist once, way before Kathy, or Mary, or Heather. It was always recommended that she keep a dream journal and she did, though her father always rifled through it, ripping out pages as if he could rip out the memories of fire and laughter and taunting—as if he could erase her nightmares. Now, she just starts to keep a real journal. She doesn't mark it with her name, doesn't dark, but she writes.

It starts impersonal but as times goes on, the tone will change. ]

Comments

DAY II — Again.

[coheres]

The first time I came back, he was there. He was there and... I didn't think it could change. I didn't think I would leave again. And I never once considered he'd be gone when I came back.

There's so much I should have said, done.

No time has passed and all the time has passed and my heart hurts. Is this how Cecily felt, losing Cullen? Will it last?

Probably.

Pain never really fades, does it?

In any case, I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you and I'll try to find some way. I will. If I can do what I can, I can find you a thousand lightyears away from me. I'll fucking save you.

I bet if you were here, I wouldn't end up getting strangled again, don't you? Fuck. You won't get any of this. It doesn't matter, right?

All right, that's it, I'm putting this away for awhile. [ And yet she ends it with a sketch of Mello, a flower crown dipping in front of his face, obscuring his eyes. Eyes she loved to look at. Eyes that saw everything.

Eyes that are now gone. ]